It was bound to Happen

My first true correction, or show of displeasure from Sir since we started seeing each other about 2 months ago.
He told me i was to clingy and that He did not like it when I said "no" to him leaving.
Even when i say "no" I am fully aware that he is leaving, I never expect my protests to change anything.
so why do I make them? Why voice what he most likely already knows ?
So am I  sure he understands that I do not want to let him go just yet? Do I do it
To see if he will just give me that look and say my name ?

It JUST  occurred to me that he might not want to leave me yet either but knows he has to ...maybe I don't know.

I am not sure  but I do know that he will not hear how i feel about his leaving for a while.  I will be a good sub and just let go when he tells me he needs to go. I need to remember that he is not mine,  not even when he is with me. He does not love me so he really has little to lose in our break up,  if it were to happen and he said tonight that my actions on Friday make Him want to pull away from me.
So maybe  i need to close some of me away for a while. I -as normal -gave more of me than I should.
I am doing my best to accept his words that should calm  me  and just not freak out and not question the solidity of our relationship.
I however do not believe He is nearly as emotionally invested as I am. PART of the difference between a Dom and a Sub. SUBS GET MUCH MORE EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED MUCH FASTER THE MOST DOMS.
I am not sure how solid of a foundation I am currently standing on, this is a very distressing to me. I am one who needs to know I am solid, yet he told me i was okay  and he would see me on Monday. That should  and is helping me to only slip a little in the wave and not just go under.

All I can think about is how our D/s relationship affects so much of what we each do.
From interacting  with each other, to me asking for tasks,  to how we Interact  with others.
Sir is not the type of Dom I have served in the past (other than Graeme and we all know how that relationship ended.)
I kind of like to know that my  Dom will fight for me not in a literal way but in other ways. I need to know i am important.
When i question those things I, get all weird  and do things  like get clingy,  and have " bad behavior". I need to see this coming and try to road block it. Sadly for me right now that is going to mean not being completely transparent with my emotions  with Sir. I know that a lack of transparency is not a good thing but it might be for the best right now.
MAYBE I am trying to top from the bottom....not a good thing.
Maybe part of me wanted to see if he would correct me. I am not sure of the why I had that reaction but I know that I need to not have it again.

So what is worrying me that I am  not expressing/ putting to rest and not worrying  about ?
Because something is or the behaviour would not have happened,  this much I do know. SO....

Do I  feel threatened that he will replace me as soon as he gets his Dom wings under Him?
Do I feel like I am not important to Him?
Do I fear  He will never love me ?
,Am I having self worth  and value issues again? MEANING  am I looking to Him to validate  those things?
I am not sure currently  but I will think about these things and maybe write about them. ♡♡ kitten♡♡