Day 3

Joy looks,smells tastes,sounds and feels like ...

Joy looks like: sunshine, laughing children, a true smile that reaches the eyes.
People who are comfortable in their skin 

Joy  smells like:
Freshly baked items,
flowers,
freshly cut grass,
the air after a rain storm,
A clean man with his own scent,
sweat at times,
bleach when cleaning.

Joy tastes like:
Hot tea in the morning.
a kiss from one you love. good food that's good for you.

Joy sounds like:
Laughter
Whispered words of encouragement or tenderness.
Rain on the roof
A family playing together

Joy feels like:
A soft cuddly blanket
A stuffed animal to sleep with when alone.
His arms around me
A clean house.
Praise for doing well.
Overwhelming  at times.

Day 1

If I made myself a priority in my life what would my days look like?

This is the first question I will answer on a journey of self exploration with the result being that I am able to focus my energies towards positive things in my life not dwelling on the negituve.

So....
If I made myself a priority what would  my days look like?
They would not be spent tending to everyone else's needs before my own.

I would spend more time with friends who bring positive energy into my life.

My diabeties would always be at the forefront front of my thoughts and taken into consideration in most of not all decisions that I make.

I would know that I am doing the best I can with the skills I have, so if I was not doing something well I could learn the skills I needed.
So I guess my day would look a lot like-
Get up test my blood sugar
have tea or coffee.
eat some breakfast.
Find my focus for the day either by Sir helping me or me just thinking about what I need to work on that will make me happier.

Spend time on said task taking breaks when needed.

Chores: mine would be kept up

I would eat lunch, and dinner.

My thoughts might not go to my Dom first and last think but I am not sure this is true.
I would play music loud and not worry about it.

Did I make a mistake?

Today Sir told me that he has to do something with his boys tomorrow evening, during the time we had planned on being together, and I expressed my frustration at that and at feeling like I am a very marginal part of His life when he is such a huge part of mine.
I am not sure I should have expressed this frustration  but I just could not contain it. It was the final  push over a cliff that has been this week.
I am frustrated at the fact fact hat I am not supposed to be doing anything, my leg is feeling better, but my hip and back hurt when I am up to long because of the difference in my leg lenghths.
I had just found out that one of my favorite students from California died on Monday and then Sir tells me that he has this thing to do. I was overwhelmed, I think I am falling into a depressive funk and I am Not sure how to stop it.
I thought I needed to tell sir how I felt. I know this too will pass, I believe that I am important to Sir. I know that this lack of seeing him will pass. I do not think he is happy about not being able to see me any more than I am happy about not seeing Him. Hopefully He is reading my blog and will see how I am feeling and why.
I love Him as Submissive loves her Sir, which is different and in some ways deeper then as a woman loves her significant other.  He is a very important part of my world even as distant as He is. More by need then want I hope.
I can only hope that he is as committed to U/us as I am even through my frustration right now. WE CAN DO THIS.
No relationship is with out its frustrations and struggles.
I truly care about this Man, I believe he can be the Dominant I need and bring out the best in me.
With a bit of aprehension and confusion as to how W/we are.